dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
