Ambien. No doubt about it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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