After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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