another moral hangover. fuck.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
