I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
