she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize