Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
