o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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