he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
