the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
