Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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