Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
