the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
