Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
