So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
