she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
