Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
