So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
