don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
