can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
