dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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