I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
