you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
