Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
