I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize