Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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