Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
