before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
