You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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