I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
