and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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