She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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