Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Are we still banned from the library?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
