I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
