i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
