My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
