and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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