My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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