Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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