I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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