i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
