love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
