9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
