so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize