You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
