i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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