GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just had sex bonerless
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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