he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize