i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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