Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
