I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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