K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His nipple licking is glorious
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