she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
