I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's always time for handjobs
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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