No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
