Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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