proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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