girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
