Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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