im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
