I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
