I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are these your boobs on my camera?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
