ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
