I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
