pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
