I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
