I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
