The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
